


but now it's awake

by angstlairde



Series: awakening [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Angst and Feels, Double Bladed Lightsaber, Family Angst, Family Feels, Finn Needs A Hug, Finn Skywalker, Force-Sensitive Finn, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hurt Poe Dameron, It's Star Wars what did you expect, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Related, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Loss of Limbs, Movie: Star Wars: The Last Jedi, POV Finn, POV Poe Dameron, POV Rey, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Psychological Torture, Rey Needs A Hug, Speculation, Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-27
Updated: 2017-10-27
Packaged: 2019-01-23 20:37:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12516056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angstlairde/pseuds/angstlairde
Summary: She remembers Luke’s words,I’ve only seen this much power once before, it didn’t scare me then.She remembers Ren’s words,you need a teacher, I can show you the ways of the Force.She remembers Han’s words,it’s true, all of it.She remembers -.....Poe can't breathe, he can'tbreatheanymore, but Rose and Finn need him to be strong. Getting out of the First Order without dying once was a miracle, but twice would be an infinitesimally small chance, and -the next chance, and the next, on and on until -He has to be strong. So he looks at Finn, who looks empty, and he looks at Rose who looks so afraid, and he looks ahead and grips their hands. He can't expect Rey to come for them. He can't, it wouldn't be smart, or safe, it would be reckless, and dangerous, and -just like something Rey would do......A The Last Jedi AU





	but now it's awake

**Author's Note:**

> i think i can say with almost absolute certainty that this is wildly au  
> Mind the tags, y'all, it gets pretty intense. That being said, i have really enjoyed writing this, and it may expand into something more, but we'll see lol. Anyway, enjoy!!

_No, no, no, no, no._

Rey can't shake the cold feeling of fear from her mind. The ice cold grip on her spine, on _Poe's_ spine, on Finn and Rose's.

_Black glove crackling and curling into a fist, something glowing warmly, yet hostile._

She feels like the Falcon can't fly fast enough, can't get her to her friends in time.

She can't shake the paralyzing sense of _death_.

Luke sits in the backseat, silent and watching, and trying to be calming. It doesn't work. She's glad he decided to come - Rey is pretty sure she can't do this without him.

 _Poe's hands are shaking and he's squeezing Rose and Finn's hands too, too tightly, and the feeling of overwhelming hopelessness settles over him like fog, and he can't_ breathe -

Her hands shake over the controls, and Chewie lays a hefty paw on one. He looks her in the eye and doesn't make a sound.

Rey takes a steady breath, but does nothing to calm her mind.

_No, no, no, no, no._

  
......

  
_No, no, no, no, no_.

Poe can't breathe, he can't breathe anymore, but Rose and Finn need him to be strong. Getting out of the First Order without dying once was a miracle, but twice would be an infinitesimally small chance, and -

 _the next chance, and the next, on and on until_ -

He has to be strong. So he looks at Finn, who looks empty, and he looks at Rose who looks so afraid, and he looks ahead and grips their hands. He can't expect Rey to come for them. He can't, it wouldn't be smart, or safe, it would be reckless, and dangerous, and -

just like something Rey would do.

Poe clenches his jaw tight, and he will not fall apart.

The door slids open.

He looks up.

What he sees is something he hoped against all hope he would never see again.

  
......

  
"Long time, no see. Though, to be perfectly honest, I prefer you _with_ the apparatus."

Ren doesn't seem impressed, although he didn't seem that impressed last time either. Poe squeezes Rose and Finn's hands again, and swallows.

He tilts his head and stares them down, and Poe hardens his heart and his head, and Ren will not get in his head.

"Déjà vu, Dameron?"

Poe says nothing. Ren will not hurt his friends, if he has anything to say about it.

"I sense your fear, _Commander_. Your hopelessness. You can't get away this time."

Poe swallows hard. He doesn't need to be Force-sensitive to feel Rose shaking, or know Finn was sweating.

"Whatever you want, Rose and Finn don't have it. Rose is a maintenance worker. Finn - Finn was in a coma until a few days ago, he only knows about the mission." Poe knows what he is risking - what he is suggesting. Torture to save Rose and Finn. Ren getting inside his head again. They don't deserve to suffer what he already has. "General Organa has been mentoring me. I have what you want."

Ren smiles, cold, and it is not something Poe ever wants to see again - he has a very bad feeling.

"Shame. I was hoping for more... feeling. But I'll get you to beg."

He locks eyes with Finn, then Rose, and Poe feels them shrink back under the weight of his glare.

He hates Ren with a passion even more then before.

Ren gestures with two fingers towards Finn and Rose, and Poe chokes on the air. Rose lets out a cut-off sob when a trooper grabs her arm and pulls her away, and Finn almost trips over his feet. Poe jerks forward, his hands still tight on their hands.

 _No, no, no, no, no_.

"No, no, no, no, no, please!"

Ren is the last one out, turning sharply on his heel.

"Please!"

Poe is moving before he thinks, running towards the door, and then he isn't. He can hear Rose shouting now, and Finn is saying something and Poe doesn't know what, but -

Ren turns, his hand outstretched.

"Please! No, _please_ ," Poe's voice broke. " _Please_. Please, you can't."

Ren tilts his head again, and Poe can hardly be angry, not when he's this desperate.

"Please."

"I told you I'd make you beg."

Then he's gone, and the door slams shut, and Poe collapses to the floor.

 _No. No, please_.

  
......

  
Poe sits with his knees pulled to his chest, his hands strangling his hair, like he used to when he was a boy.

_"Poe."_

_His mother stands in the doorway, curling hair in something that vaguely resembled a braid._

_"Poe," she says again, and kneels next to him and eases his fingers from his own curls. "Mijo."_

_She lifts his chin and studies his face, the ugly bruise on his cheekbone._

_"Baby. How did this happen?"_

_Poe is silent for a beat, then he meets her eyes._

_"I didn't know what to do," he confesses, voice small. Shara's fingers are feather-light on his face, and she waits._

_"They said you abandoned me. When I was a baby. That you didn't care about me."_

_Shara's face broke._

_"Oh, baby. I love you more than anything in this universe. You know that. That's why I flew."_

_Her face changed, so it was no longer sympathetic - instead it was harder._

_"That's why you know to help your friends. You can't abandon them. Tell me where Rey went, baby. Then you can all go home."_

_Poe jerks away -_

"Get _out of my head!_ Don't touch her! Don't touch my mother!"

  
......

  
When they bring Rose and Finn back, Poe barely has a moment to look them over - Finn had bruises mottleing his neck, and Rose looks suspiciously devoid of injuries, except that she is unsteady, and won't let either of them touch her - before he is hauled out himself.

Well, he's getting his request. Hooray.

He never thought he would wish for a beating, but here he is, wishing for a beating instead of the horrible, achy pain of Ren in his head.

  
......

  
He gets his wish.

  
......

  
Poe is shoved into their glorified cell, not gently. His legs give out as soon as the troopers let go and he just lays on the floor, arms bent at an awkward angle. They must have gotten Rose and Finn again, and Poe wants to _strangle_ the First Order.

But he can barely lift his head. He decides against forcing himself to the hard cot in favor of staying on the floor.

Poe should adjust the compressor valves on Black One. There's a high pitched _squee_ every time he starts up it up. Any pilot worth anything knows that's not right.

He blacks out.

......

  
Finn is brought back a few minutes before Rose, and any worry he feels for Rose is quickly replaced with overwhelming fear for Poe, just lying there on the floor, with dried blood on the side of his head. As Finn tries to roll him over, the door slides open with a sharp hiss and Rose stumbles in.

Of all of them, Rose is taking it the worst, Finn thinks, himself being a close second. He must have underrated Poe's strength for him to be back here, in the clutches of Kylo Ren, and he hasn't buckled under pressure.

Rose rushes to the both of them, and helps him roll Poe over, which brings him back to consciousness.

Poe blinks, confused, and says,

"What happened? Are you guys okay?"

That's when Finn knew he'd be alright. He thumps Poe in the arm, as Rose gives something that can pass for a laugh, and as Poe tries to smile, Finn looks him in the eyes.

What he sees is not what he was expecting. Poe - Poe looks terrified, broken, hopeless, and trying desperately for it not to show.

And then Finn realizes that Rose is not taking it the worst - Poe is.

It's a miracle, Finn realizes, that he hasn't broken yet. And how long Poe can make it,  Finn doesn't know, but they needed an escape plan.

He had a feeling Rose would be able to help with that.

But more on that later - right now they need to get Poe off the floor and onto the cot. Finn wraps an arm around his waist, and Rose does the same on Poe's other side. With an decent amount of difficulty, they finally get him onto the cot and more comfortable.

"Please don't pass out!" Rose exclaims quickly, as Poe's eyes nearly shut. He blinks rapidly and his hands flutter around for a moment.

"I won't, I won't, I- think I'm good." He groans as his shoots up and wraps an arm around his ribs. "Okay, maybe not, just... I feel terrible."

Then he remembers why he sat up.

"They want Rey! He wants - " he coughs, and blood smears across his chin, and his grabs Finn's shoulder. "They want Rey, that's why they're doing this to us!"

Finn glances at Rose, and her eyes are wide. He grabs Poe's shoulder in return, and shakes his head.

"They won't get her, buddy. I won't let him get her."

He can't say that, he can't promise that, though Poe knows Finn would do everything in his power to protect Rey. Poe falls back in defeat. Force, he hurts all over. Those troopers must have graduated top of the torture class. He didn't want to think of what Rose and Finn were feeling. He can barely keep his eyes open now.

"Alright, I - need to close my eyes," he mumbles, and does so.

Finn meets Rose's eyes and nods, just barely.

_We have to get out of here._

......

  
Rey can feel the icy grip of Kylo Ren as soon as they break atmo and shivers. He's waiting for her. She knows it. He wanted her to come, and maybe she's walking right into a trap, but she has to save her friends. She has Luke with her, and Chewie and Artoo, and if they can get Poe, Finn, and Rose, she can deal with Ren.

They land, and it is suspiciously quiet. Rey glances at the others, and Luke nods, _yes, go, we can get your friends._

  
She believes him.

  
She finds BB-8 in a closet, switched off, carbon scoring marring her shiny white durasteel casing. She switches her on, and shushes her as BB-8 lets out a sharp whistle and rapid beeps, filling in Rey about what happened, and how glad she was to see Friend-Rey. BB-8 refuses to go find Luke and the others, insisting she can help Rey, which Rey does agree with.

  
“This place - it doesn’t feel right. I don’t like it.”

  
BB-8 chirps in agreement.

  
Rey hasn’t used her new lightsaber in real combat before - she hopes it will hold up under pressure. The girl and the droid travel further in, and the icy coldness only grows with every step. Luke lets her know they found her friends, and she latches onto the undercurrents of concern and worry. She follows the frosty thread of Ren's and it leads her to the underbelly of the place. She pauses at the threshold of a door, and looks at BB-8, who is bumping the backs of her calves.

  
“It’s time for you to go, BB,” Rey says to the little droid, and she doesn’t like it, but BB-8 whirs and rolls slowly back up the hall.

  
Rey steps through the doorway, and the door swishes shut behind her.

  
“I didn’t think you would come,” echoes a voice that haunts her dreams. Rey swallows - his voice could come from anywhere, and she shivers from the cold wrapping itself around her.

  
“You’re a fool to think so,” Rey calls back, hoping her voice sounds more confident than she really is.

  
Then his presence is huge and black beside her and she whirls to face him, grabbing her lightsaber from her belt.

  
Kylo Ren, Ben Solo, stands empty-handed before her, in different clothes than last time, with cleaner lines, and sharper edges; it seems to fit him better. Similarly, she can feel him studying her, in her less-protective gray clothes that are better suited to easier climates, and part of her hair down around her shoulders. It feels strange, this no-less charged encounter, but less violent, less like a hurricane on Ach-to, more like a thunderstorm about to strike on Jakku.

  
They had both changed.

  
“I thought you valued your freedom - I never thought you’d give it up for friends,” Ren says, and Rey’s thumb brushes over her saber’s igniter.

  
“I’m not a puzzle for you to solve.” And sensing the change in atmosphere, she brings her lightsaber up, like Luke had taught her. “Don’t presume to know me.”

  
Ren shrugs, and unclips his own lightsaber.

  
“You’d be surprised at how much I know,” he says, and ignites his lightsaber.

  
……

  
Red and white sabers clash together and burning sparks shoot out into the air whenever they come in contact. Ren is at full power now, but Rey has grown too, and her double-bladed lightsaber gives her an edge she didn’t have on Starkiller. She doesn’t know how long they had been fighting, except that now both of them have sweaty hair plastered to their neck and forehead, and are panting harshly. Their styles differ so drastically, it is hard to tell who is winning, and who is on the defensive changed so often, Rey briefly entertains the thought that they are at an impasse.

  
She’s been cut on the arm, and he has a slash across his back, and she couldn’t help the savage smile when she remembers Finn being cut down by a similar stroke.

  
She remembers Luke’s words, _I’ve only seen this much power once before, it didn’t scare me then._ She remembers Ren’s words, _you need a teacher, I can show you the ways of the Force._ She remembers Han’s words, _it’s true, all of it._ She remembers -

  
Han.

  
And all the anger she felt of Starkiller was back.

  
“You’ve come a long way from Starkiller,” Ren says suddenly, as their blades locked together. “You still need more teaching. I can help you.”

  
Why did he want this? Why did he want her on his side, so badly?

  
“Why do you want me on your side? What can I _possibly_ do that you can’t?” Rey demands through her teeth.

  
Ren bares his teeth are her.

  
“You’re more powerful than you know, Rey. I can show you!”

  
But she can’t trust him. Han had trusted him, and now - now he is dead!

  
Rey screams in anger, and shoves her blade against his, hard, knocking him backwards -

  
“You killed your own father! How could I trust you?!”

  
Ren’s face forms a sneer, making his face look even more disfigured.

  
“No, I killed _your_ father! He always loved you more!”

  
And shoves his blade back against her, and she stumbles, tripping over her feet and falling, catching herself on one hand. _Your father,_ he said, _your_ father.

 

 

  
“ _What’s your name?”_

  
_“Rey.”_

  
_“He always loved you more!”_

“No.”

  
Ben towers over her, face still in an angry sneer.

  
“Yes. Welcome home, Rey _Solo_ ,” he says, mocking. He raises his lightsaber, and Rey can’t think, can’t move her lightsaber, she knows her family now, has always known, somehow, and she’s going to die by the hand of her own brother -

  
A blaster bolt flies out of nowhere and Ben moves quickly, knocking it back towards the new party.

  
It startles Rey back to the present, and she scrambles to her feet and flips away from Ben, landing lightly on her feet. She casts her mind out to the new person, who’s still in the shadow’s and almost falls over because it’s

  
“Poe!”

  
He emerges from the dark corner, looking furious and exhausted, and he can barely stand, but his blaster is pointed steadily at Ben, even as he meets her wide eyes, and she feels relief radiate out from him. She wants to tell him to run, get out; she wants curl in his arms and never let him go again, but a piece of machinery is flying at him, and he can’t get out of the way in time - Rey grabs the piece, and flings it back the way it came, and Poe shoots while Ben’s distracted, and catches him by surprise. Ben can’t deflect it back towards Poe, and instead it gets knocked into the wall, and they converge on him.

  
Things are going well - until Ben recovers from the surprise, and comes back quicker, more lethal. He shoves Poe back and Rey twists to catch him, but she feels Ben move, and then the back of her calf is searing, and she stumbles and falls.

  
Poe had recovered, and shot at Ben to distract him from Rey, ducking from cover to cover until he was close enough to whip out his vibroblade in his boot. Ben swings his lightsaber at Poe and Rey, still struggling to her feet, throws a hand out, and pushes his lightsaber off target. Poe lands a slashing cut on his shoulder and chest, and Ben counters with a cut to Poe’s face he is unable to block.

  
He yells and shoots blindly at Ben, who swings his saber in a tight arc, and -

  
Someone is screaming; Poe realizes it’s him.

  
Ben kicks him in the chest, and he falls hard.

  
Rey shouts, and her lightsaber is in sharp constrast to the sharp black of his tunic as it slides too easily into the flesh of his side.

  
Ben chokes, and pulls himself off her saber, a horrified pained look on his face, like he can’t believe she’d actually done that.

  
Rey can’t believe she’d done that. Without realizing, she had turned her lightsaber off, and it clatters to the ground in sync with Ben’s. They each take a step back, and Ben staggers -

  
They silently agree they are not a threat to each other anymore.

  
_Sister._

  
_...Brother._

  
Then he is gone, and Poe groans, and Rey stumbles over to him, her leg burning. His breathing sounds congested, and there’s a gash on his cheek oozing blood, and Force, there’s so much blood. It’s smeared across his once pristine black shirt, dripping on the floor, drying in his curls. And - Rey wants to throw up - his left arm is missing from his elbow down. She tips his head back so his can breathe, and she knows his congestion is from blood in his lungs.

  
_No, Poe, please._

  
_“Poe,”_ she gasps, and her fingers flutter over his bloodied face. She has to get him out of here, the _idiot_ , why on earth did he come after her?

  
She pulls him up, throws his good arm around her shoulder, wraps her arm around his waist, and hauls the both of them up.

  
Rey reaches for Finn out of instinct - _Finn, where are you, help me_ \- she can’t get Poe out without help, she can’t barely walk herself.

  
She didn’t realize how exhausted she is until now, dragging the both of them down the hallways. Rey stops short when she approaches an intersection with a handful of troopers in it. She can’t fight them - she physically cannot, not with Poe depending on her to get him out. She staggers under the weight of Poe when the troopers turn and raise their guns and -

  
Blaster shots from behind them take down a couple and a blue lightsaber lashes out with deadly precision, cutting the rest of them down.

  
But it’s not Luke that she sees when the smoke clears - it’s _Finn_ holding the blue lightsaber in his hands, and Chewie next to him. Chewie roars when he sees them, and Finn looks so relieved, and she feels it wash across her, his warmth and kindness and bravery enveloping her like the sun and she gasps, because -

  
It’s the Force, it’s Finn, and it’s the _Force!_

  
And then he’s rushing across to her, and he eases some Poe’s weight from her shoulders, and Chewie wraps her in a hug, making low, sad sounds as he tells her how worried he was about her, when she didn’t come back, and Poe snuck off to get her without telling him, but he should’ve because he would’ve come too -

  
And Rey wants to tell him she’s alright, but… but she _isn’t_ , not really. She’s still in shock, and she realizes that Luke probably knows about her family. She wants to be angry, or upset, or _something_ , but she - can't.

Instead she tries to smile at Chewie, and then with the Wookie supporting both Rey and Poe, he half-carries them back to the Falcon.

They pass Luke and Rose in the cockpit on their way to the small med bay. Rose scrambles after them, and after Poe is laid down, she attaches herself to Finn.

Chewie helps connect Poe to life support, while Rey wraps up his left arm, and puts a bacta patch on the gash. Chewie insists on putting a Bacta patch on the cut on her leg, but they don't have anymore after that, and he gently pushes her out.

Rey can't do more than sit down, back against the wall. Her ribs hurt and she wraps her arms around her chest. She pulls in her knees and squeezes her eyes shut.

She squeezes her eyes shut and rocks.

She feels Finn pass - he drapes a blanket around her shoulders - and Rose. Chewie pads by, but she doesn't look up for anyone.

Finally, the person she wants to talk to walks up, and she looks up at Luke and doesn't say a word.

Luke locks eyes with her, and he knows she knows, and he says five, solitary words:

"I should have told you."

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope y'all liked it! Drop a comment, if you don't mind, i'd love to know what you thought :D
> 
> oh and i didn't put rey solo in the tags bc i wanted more of a shock lol lemme know what you thought


End file.
